If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
