Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
