new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
