I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
