90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
