my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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