I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My life is pants optional.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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