I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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