tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
