Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
