i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
