I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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