It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
