i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
