Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize