My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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