I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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