did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
