Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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