A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
