The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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