Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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