How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize