your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
