Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
