this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
