Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
