You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
