Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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