ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize