Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
