I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
