You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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