the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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