Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
