and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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