Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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