If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize