i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
