i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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