Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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