nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
