remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
and she was petting her beer can
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
