i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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