i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
