This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize