Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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