I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
