Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Ketchup is God's man juice
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
