dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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