I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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