I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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