please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
