you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My vagina is officially offended.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
