Your mouth is God's brothel.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
