I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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