So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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