I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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