Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
