eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
