Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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