"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
