O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
