I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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