Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
