Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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