that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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