I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
