you're like a bully in the Christmas story
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
