she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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