Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
