Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
